Hoops

Start a new topic

Choose the category that best suits your topic.

Check this if your topic contains a game spoiler (e.g., an NBA game that might be televised later).

Check this if your topic is spam.

You must read the Terms of Use. Please do not post offensive material.
Learn how to embed YouTube videos or tweets

array(2) { [0]=> string(815) " select r.*, rc.info, t.title as threadtitle, u.username as username, u.anonymous as useranonymous, `f`.`value` AS `flairvalue`, `ft`.`name` AS `flairname`, `ft`.`colour` AS `flaircolour`, `ft`.`icon` AS `flairicon` from reply as r join thread as t on t.id = r.threadid join replycontent as rc on rc.replyid = r.id join user as u on u.id = r.userid left join `flair` `f` on `f`.`userid` = `u`.`id` and `f`.`categoryid` = `t`.`categoryid` left join `flairoption` `ft` on `ft`.`id` = `f`.`flairoptionid` where r.businessid = :businessId and r.threadid = :threadId group by r.id order by r.utcdated desc limit 0,50 " [1]=> array(2) { ["businessId"]=> int(1) ["threadId"]=> int(11587) } }

Years ago

Did someone say 'Dad Joke'?

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be in Information Technology," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman, "how did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

Reply #135653 Report this topic

Dale

Years ago

Duncan, the humble crab, and Kate, the Lobster Princess, were madly, deeply and passionately in love. For months they enjoyed an idyllic relationship until one day Kate scuttled over to Duncan in tears.

"We can't see each other any more..." she sobbed.

"Why?" gasped Duncan.

"Daddy says that crabs are too common," she wailed.

"He claims you are a mere crab, and a poor one at that, and crabs are the lowest class of crustacean and that no daughter of his will marry someone who can only walk sideways."

Duncan was shattered, and scuttled away, sidewards, into the darkness to drink himself into a filthy state of aquatic oblivion.

That night, the great Lobster ball was taking place. Lobsters came from far and wide, dancing and merry making, but the lobster Princess refused to join in, choosing instead to sit by her father's side, inconsolable.

Suddenly the doors burst open, and Duncan the crab strode in.

The Lobsters all stopped their dancing, the Princess gasped and the King Lobster rose from his throne.

Slowly, painstakingly, Duncan the crab made his way across the floor...and all could see that he was walking, not sideways............but FORWARDS...

Yes FORWARDS!!!! One claw after another!!

Step by step, he made his approach towards the throne, until he finally looked King lobster in the eye. There was a deadly hush................

For quite a while ...........................

Finally, the crab spoke .......

"F *ck, I'm pissed."

Reply #135466 Report this topic

Start a new topic

Did someone say 'Dad Joke'?

Reply to this topic

Recent Posts