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of course thats what a coach will tell you, but in saying that a coach will not put a liability in to start, if a player is clearly a better player, they will start, ceteris paribus, otherwise, he is just being a diplomat.
the 8th 9th player is a difficult one and in the case of a bottom age kid i would need a very convincing argument to keep them out of Div 2. I have generally found players in that situation develop more if they have to do a great deal of work in Div 2 rather than benchwarm in Div 1.
although the starting five is important, i think the sixth man is even more important. If one of the starting five isn't focused, or has a terrible match-up, the sixth man is often looked to, to fill any number of roles.
The problem you highlight tho probably stems from the parents tunnel vision on their child, rather than their childs team. But, how can you tell a parent not to love their child as much, after all, that is why they are concerned.